


to be a black hole

by A5tr0punk



Category: I'll Give You the Sun - Jandy Nelson
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-30
Updated: 2020-09-30
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:00:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26733265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A5tr0punk/pseuds/A5tr0punk
Summary: “I love you,” Noah says, his voice wavering, but it comes out as “Hey.” What do I say?“So goddamn much,” becomes “Dude.” Courtney picks up my hat, and Noah starts trembling. I glance up at him, thoroughly concerned, but that’s all he needs to break.OrNoah finally stands up for Brian. From Brian's pov!
Relationships: Brian Connelly/Noah Sweetwine, Jude Sweetwine & Noah Sweetwine
Comments: 5
Kudos: 21





	to be a black hole

**Author's Note:**

> wow, another 'what if' NoahandBrian fic from me. So unexpected.   
> Bc we didn’t get any of Brian's pov, I wanted to try my hand at writing him, and the party scene hurts, so I redid it!  
> Enjoy!

I’m talking to Courtney, trying to zone out or turn the conversation around to something I’m good at, but she’s spiraling towards playing some stupid party game. And then Noah walks in. I pretend not to watch every second of his movement, the tiny flick of his hair, the way he blinks with his long eyelashes. Doe eyes. That’s how people describe them, but they’re so dark.  
I call them vacuum eyes. Space without stars, black holes. They draw me in the same way. Uncontrollably. To stop myself from flying towards him, I lean back onto a bookcase. He’s coming right towards me, anyway. Heather’s talking, and she looks weird; she’s jabbering away, giggling, leaning towards Noah. She knows his eyes like I do. And then Noah speaks.  
The world holds its breath at Noah’s voice. It’s gotten deeper, and it’s almost as gorgeous as him. It certainly has the same effect on me.  
“What game?” Courtney turns and I can finally, really look at him. He’s ruffled, a little flushed, probably drunk. I’m not, not at all, but I’m relishing in Noah being a party boy. It almost suits him. He’s looser, but it’s slightly off-kilter. Like he’s still tense.  
“Oh, good.” Damn, I’d almost forgotten we weren’t alone. Courtney nudges Heather, and she giggles. Heather. Giggling. That’s what’s wrong. “It’s your lucky night, Picasso. You like games?” He tilts his head.  
Noah doesn’t look a thing like Picasso. He’s just as talented, sure, but he glows. He’s a supernova in the middle of exploding. Beautiful. Dangerous. For me, at the very least. I lick my bottom lip and look away. I have to remind myself of that every time I see him. This is dangerous. I remember how dark it was. How terrified I felt. Never again. Not even for Noah. No more goddamn closets, even if I’m in love.  
And then they point to the closet. Fuck.  
I’m not unfamiliar with Seven Minutes in Heaven. I just haven’t played. I examine the spines of the books on the shelves, picking out the breaks in the binding.  
“I love you,” Noah says, his voice wavering, but it comes out as “Hey.” What do I say?  
“So goddamn much,” becomes “Dude.” Courtney picks up my hat, and Noah starts trembling. I glance up at him, thoroughly concerned, but that’s all he needs to break.  
“No thanks.” We all stare at Noah in disbelief. “I’m good. Have fun, hornets- sorry, Heather.” Heather blinks, and I see her shake herself back into her own skin.  
“What’s wrong Noah?” She sounds just as concerned as I am. He shrugs.  
“I just came to say goodbye to Brian, and I’m… drunk, at the moment, so this isn’t the best time I’ve ever had.” He strolls- half stumbling to the door, and turns before he leaves. “And Jude, I know you’re angry, but Brian’s claustrophobic. Try Spin the Bottle or something more considerate next time, yeah?” He flashes a grin, and then the door slams shut behind him. Jude recoils, stunned. I don’t know what to say.  
She grits her teeth, then makes a face, straightening up.  
“God, I hate it when he’s right.” And then she follows him out in a twin-shaped whirlwind. Gemini. That flashes me back to the telescope, back to blissful just us. Meeting Jude was amazing.  
I’d thought she’d be girl Noah, and I could divert my interest, but the universe refused. She’s nothing like Noah. He’s unique. And when he saw me examining her, he got angry. He shut down flirtatious Brian and Jude, which made me feel… well, it was good to know he cared. Then on the roof, before he left, we were stars. We were light and we were beauty and he was everything.  
“Why didn’t you say something?” Courtney is almost getting in my face, huffing.  
“Oh, I didn’t think it mattered. I just have some bad memories with closets.” Her mouth twists into a frown. Noah calls her a hornet, but I think she really cares. She’s not the smartest, and she doesn’t actually have feelings for me, but she’s not terrible. Courtney just cares too much about how people feel about her. She’s desperate for validation. “I didn’t want to ruin your thing.”  
“And it wouldn’t ruin it if you’d had a panic attack in the closet with your friend’s sister?” I raise an eyebrow. Maybe Noah’s right.  
“What are we doing now?” She sighs.  
“I’m kind of over party games at the moment. It’s whatever.” I nod, and walk over to Heather.  
“You wanna check on Noah?” She nods, and we head out together. This could be a pretty bad idea. As soon as we get outside, I hear sniffling, and lowered voices. It sounds like Jude. I swerve hard in that direction, and Heather follows. As we pass a room, I see two boys kissing each other goodbye. It’s quick and sweet, and I would give the stars for that to be us. The whole sky.  
Jude is talking down a dishevelled Noah in one of the bedrooms. His curly hair is messy from running his hands through it one too many times. He’s stopped crying, and Jude takes a solo cup from his hands, then looks back at us.  
“Turns out he’s a sappy drunk.” I burst out laughing. “Yeah. You still mad at me?” NoahandJude stare into each other’s eyes.  
“Aren’t you mad at me? I worried like crazy.” My stomach drops. I told him not to worry because I couldn’t say I loved him. Heather pushes past me into the room.  
“I’m sorry, Noah, I should’ve known.” At this, she looks at me, not at all subtly. “I pushed you, and that wasn’t okay. I knew you didn’t like me like that.” He frowns.  
“Heather, you were drunk. This is what teenagers do. It’s alright.”  
“I should’ve said something.” All eyes turn to me. “You shouldn’t have had to do that for me. Thanks, though. What you did back there was super cool.” I lick my bottom lip and sit down on the ground across from them.  
“Should we leave?” Jude asks, amused. Noah shoots her a look, but Heather and I just laugh along.  
“I should probably get going anyway. Courtney dragged me here, and my parents might be getting worried. See you later, Noah. Good luck at home, Brian,” Heather says, and gets up to go. I catch her hand as she passes.  
“Look out for him, okay?” She grins.  
“Of course.” I relax.  
“Thanks, Heather.” Noah and Jude each wave goodbye as she goes. “Are you guys going to be okay?” They look into each other’s eyes.  
“I think so,” Jude says. “I should get home too. Mom and I need to talk.” Noah looks nervous for a moment, but she smiles at me, ruffling my hair as she passes. “You stay safe. We’ll be fine.”  
“Later.” And then we’re alone. “Hey.” His face falls, and that stupid goddamn electric fence starts to come down, but I scoot closer to him until our knees are touching and it’s gone. “What’s up with you?”  
“I… I’m honestly not sure. I just hate that you’re here. This is your last day here for a while, and they wanted to put you in some goddamn closet.” Anger was radiating off of him, and I let out a breath I’d been holding. He was vibrating with rage. For me.  
“God, I love you.” He lights up. When he’s happy, the entire world glows.  
“So goddamn much.”

**Author's Note:**

> this is set in an au where Diana lives and they work thru their shit as a family bc I'm a sap. Have a great day!


End file.
